Steem Fantasy Football League # 1 - Week 2 Matchups Preview

Week 2 Is Upon Us

What the hell?! Just yesterday I was hyped up and waiting for football season to start, and now we are already mid way into week # 2. Slow the fuck down, please. The Astros are inevitably going to let me down, and I am most certainly not ready for basketball season. But if I were, GO ROCKETS. Get Melo already, jeez. With week # 2 upon us, let's have a chat with the coaches and see every teams lineups.

League [# 1] Week 2 Coach Talk

In each of the teams Sat morning team meetings, our reporters were able to get a quick listen in from the locker room:

@bigpchef - The Pot Heads: Listen up everybody, you all sucked major ass last week. Get your shit in line, or you will be a free agent faster than that there Keanu Ted Preston movie Speed, yeah. You know, with the girl from space with the short hair, who was lost, and then George Clooney, wait, aww FUCK IT!! Just play better.

@hendrix22 - The Pink Socks: Okay, listen up Matt Ryan, the rest of my team isn't performing all that well, so i'm gonna need you to first drop and give me 50 for blowing that there lead in the Super Bowl last year. Boy I tell ya, I would have made some fucking money on that game if ya would have won. Lord all mighty, what were y'all thinkin constantly throwing the ball. Run the ball, take is slow, so your shitty ass defense can get some rest before trottin on out there. Shit, I could left my wife with that score. Are you done with them push ups yet, son? Fuck, I aughta!! Alright now enough with that there, get on your feet. Alright now Matt, I'm gonna need 75 solid points from your ass. So slap on some skinny tards, hike em up a bit, and flash some ass, cause I need some TD's goddammit!!!.

@gregm - Smokin Moons: Listen McFadden you need to get your head out yo ass. I don't know what it's doing up there, and I don't wanna know how good it smells, just take it out, and play some goddamn football. I need points you hear me? I don't give a rats ass about your feelings, or how you don't have enough leg room on the plane. We pay you the big boy bucks, now play like one, and get me double digits. {Shoulda benched your ass} {What coach?} Uhh, nothing, good luck.

@Tuck-fheman - Lucksacks.com: Look here TARRR -rIK is it? Well, i'll call ya Cohen. Listen Cohen, I don't even know who you are, but my computer here is telling me you're projected to give me 11.06 points. Frankly son, that shit just won't cut it here in the NNN FLLLL, you catchin my drift sonny? I will cut your ass faster than I did Hunter Henry's ass for giving me goose egg last week. I mean Hunter Henry, what a stupid name. Why you makin your kids names rhyme like that anyhow?! Alright, Cohen, get your points up to 15 or you'll be finding me click the add/drop button in no time.

@heroic15397 - BlitzRix: Antonio, come here son, you doing alright? Can I get you anything?Just let me know, and I will have Carson bring it to you. Antonio, you're my only hope, son. Look who I have running the show. Carson! That boy somehow has fooled the entire league he can play football. He is garbage, you hear me. Garbage!! Should never drafted his ass, but the other assholes didn't leave me any choice. So Antonio what I'm tellin you son, while 22 so odd points is great, but 40 would be better. Now go get em.

@bacchist - Bacchist: Baldwin, Thomas, front and center. Alright now, you two are caring this god forsaken team. I have Mariota up there not doing a damn thing. You figure by now the kid would be putting up big numbers, but year after year, falls short of greatness. So you two, 16 points would be great if you had some help. But, other than that diva OBJ, you're on your own. So boys, get me 25, let's do it. Not get outta my way, I gotta go play some poker and whip some donkey ass.

@blackvapor - The Cloud Crushers: Okay Kareem, son, my entire year is on your back now. I don't care whether you like it or not. You're my golden child, Kareem. I need 40 out of you each week, and I can chill and smoke me some cigars here, and drink some fine American whiskey. Now son, go get em!!

@bola - Waffles & Syrup: Mr. Brady, can I get you anything else? No, okay. Now if you don't mind, please continue your 20 plus point performance, and I should be okay. Cause well, Tom, I mean, Mr. Brady, frankly the rest of my team sucks ass. So, please sir, if you will continue to be the greatest QB to ever play the game, and we will be alright. Thank you, sir, i'll leave you be now. Oh one more thing Mr. Brady, you wanted the balls set to how many psi?

@missiontothemoon - Mission To The Moon: Aaron, Julio, come here boys. You two are my pride and joy. I'd adopt you two if you let me. Boys, you continue to play like you do, and we will be champions this season. Now I know a few of the other fellas put up some decent numbers, but frankly boys, I don't know if they can be trusted just yet. I mean Fournette there went off on the Texans, and they suck cooter juice. So, boys, go get em.

@daut44 - Daut44: David, David, David, David, please David, answer me. Say it's fake news. Please David for the love of god, say it's fake newsssssss.

@jpederson96 - Stargate Worlds: Well, all of you are pretty mediocre, soooo, play your best. I'll make sure and get all of you some participation trophies. Alright you can go, oh, don't forget your orange slices.

@steeminator3000 - The Kebab Kings: Okay, Abdul, I need two doner kebabs, two dolmas, and three kefta kebabs. Hurry now, we are so busy, look at all this money coming in. Fuck fantasy football, ain't nobody got time for that.

Franchise Starters & Scoring Projections

The Pot Heads 0-1 vs The Pink Socks 1-0

Smokin Moons 1-0 vs Lucksacks 1-0

BlitzRix 0-1 vs Bacchist 0-1

Cloud Crushers 1-0 vs Waffles-n-Syrup 0-1

Missiontothemoon 1-0 vs Daut44 1-0

Stargate Worlds 0-1 vs The Kebab Kings 0-1

All coach motivational speeches were inspired by the greatest on-screen portrayal of a strict and lunatic deep south Texas football coach, Bud Kilmer from Varsity Blues. Played by the amazingly talented Jon Voight. That character was dead on growing up playing football in South Texas. The towns still shut down early, and the streets are littered with team paraphernalia. And the coaches are just as much dickheads as ever, i'm sure. That shit is their life blood. Tragic and noble all at the same time.

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