Guys we need to talk. An open letter to the men of the world.
I don't like the term feminism, I never have. It comes with too many negative connotations especially these days. I know feminism is supposed to be about the equality of both genders but far too easily it's hijacked and turned into the progression of just one. Even the name itself doesn't scream equality, but then again it was born out of the disenfranchisement of women so I'm not going to pick on the wording today.
I've always considered some of the feminist issues that get brought up as kind of stupid(please note, some, not all. not even majority.) Many seem to detract from more serious issued faced within the community. But i shall stop blabbing on as that isn't why I'm making this post.
Recently I feel like my eyes have been uncovered to the suffering of many women that I know personally as well as in society in general. Honestly I thought Australia was more for want of a better term progressive in our social standings when it comes to gender. Apparently I was wrong. So I'm writing a letter to you all, not just Australia, but men all around the world.
An open letter to the men of the world
What the fuck are you doing lads? No seriously.
I feel like every second woman I meet recently has had some sort of horrid encounter with one of us and that's just the ones who feel safe enough to speak about it. A girl I met the other day invited a guy over to watch movies and apparently that meant have unconsenting sex with her. The last girl I was with, was raped 4 times by 3 people before she was 15, A girl i met a week or two ago, has had 2/3 partners abuse her, like hard. She was beaten bloody and senseless and almost set on fire. She has fled the state because of it. The worst part? most of you don't even have remorse. I'll be flatout brutal honest right now. I'm no saint, I've done things im not proud of. I pushed a partner to the ground once when she slapped me, I pushed her far too hard given im a 6 ft 4 man who weighs 100 kgs and she was 5'4 and weighed about 50. But do you know what happened after that? I fucking hated myself. I felt like a piece of shit, I still do. I've accepted that I can't change that but I can make sure I never do again. So tell me guys, how the fuck can you live with yourself knowing you've broken someone you're meant to loves jaw? How is it you can look at yourself in the mirror everyday after you raped someone and taken their whole world from them and not want to just hang yourself then and there?
Is there something I missed? Do none of you seem to have compassion or even a semblance of a moral compass?
I know the bullshit excuses you use to try and justify hitting a girl but cut the crap. I know anger, believe me. I have beaten a man nearly to death in a rage( I still believe he deserved it to this day) but I can't or won't use my anger as an excuse for that. Thing is, that man did something terrible. What did these women do to you?
I watched my mum get beaten by my dad when i was maybe 5, that image is burned into my mind. Growing up when I knew I had anger issues like him it was my biggest fear to end up like that. Yet so many of us seem to, why? do you really have no control over yourself?
Consent, a word thrown around a lot that some people just don't seem to get, people from both genders but for now Im focusing on us, yea the ones with dicks. Again lads, I get sexual attraction, I get the urges. I see a hot young thing in a tight little dress and my imagination goes wild with desire, but guess what else, I know she probably doesn't want me, I know it will remain fantasy, so why is it some of you feel entitled to take what you want? You know when you rape someone you're taking an enormous part of them as a person for whatever sick pleasure it is you're getting. You take away the feeling of safety, their self esteem, their confidence and so much more neither you or I could even fathom.
But most of this comes down to respect, and I'm honestly surprised at the general lack of respect there is. I know there is gunna be some bad eggs in any group of people, but like, it almost seems like a majority are bad eggs now... I was with a girl the other night and she (rather foolishly) put her snapchat on her tinder profile. In the space of 2 hours she received approx 20 dick pics. WHYYYYYY? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE GUNNA GET FROM THAT? A dick isn't a good look at the best of times, let alone out of the blue, but mostly they don't want it, and it displays a lack of respect that seems ingrained into us. I get we live in a patriarchal society and these issues have roots woven deep into history but its about time we planted some new societal trees.
Look I know, we're not all like this, and maybe it isn't even many at all I dont know. What I do know is the actions of some represent the rest of us poorly. If you're not one of them then stand up to them. I dont mean attend feminist rallies or sign a petition. If you see some shit you call that shit out right then and there and if need be you take action right then and there. If you know of someone that does this shit, whether its a mate or a family member or anyone, don't let them get away with this sort of shit, hold them responsible. Honestly if I knew one of my mates beat his girlfriend, not only would he not be a mate anymore but he'd not be a mate with a broken collarbone. Too often I hear of this or that happening and people are aware but no one steps in to help. We're all responsible for making this world a happy and safe place to live, for everyone else regardless of gender. But let's not get it twisted guys, we know women have it worse off.
.
.
.
I don't want anyone to take this as an attack. That's not how I intend it. I know there are so many good dudes out there, most of us are, but when those 2/10 or 3/10 or whatever it is, men do these things we all look bad, it lowers the trust in all of us. It makes it harder for us to connect with women. It's also the driving force behind the aspects of feminism that become unfair on us. Sure there are "feminazis" out there but why do you think that is? a cycle of abuse that took only a couple of bad eggs to create. Its a vicious cycle where the further divided we become from the actions of a few, the more those actions will happen. Guy abuses woman>woman loses faith in men>woman starts to unfairly assume all men are bastards>Men get pissed off because we're not all like that>Men lose respect for those women. Nobody wins in that scenario, obviously that's just one but.
I dunno, maybe I'm talking shit, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my opinion has been warped. But fuck it, I'm tired of seeing women I care about in pain both inside and out because some of us couldn't get our shit together.
I would greatly appreciate if the comments section stayed respectful and friendly as I know this may be triggering to some. Please respect that we all have different opinions and that doesn't make anyone worth less respect.
Steem on Steemians
Alright, let's break this down. Bear with me, I'm going on my phone, and this is the internet. Things get lost between the lines when connect is missing.
First things first, I am going to call you out for your tone in this piece, intended or otherwise. You obviously see a problem, one that needs to be fixed, and you think you have a solution. That's a good thing! But starting out your post with "What the fuck are you doing lads?" The problem is that you come out aggressive and you put your reader on the back foot. It incites a defensive response. You say at the end that you want the comments section to be respectful, but you give the reader little incentive to do so. When you start with an attack, you can expect a response in kind. "Fuck you" tends to be the default, regardless of the validity of your post. This happens because of the tone you set from the very beginning. Think about that next time.
Second, this has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with respect. Some people have it, some people don't. Simple as that. Some people are right cunts to their significant others. This holds true for both men and women. It's not exclusively a male issue or a female issue. And you're right. It's never okay to abuse your partner. Unless they explicitly all you for a spanking/slap across the face/whatever gets your rocks off. Then again, at that point, you have consent, another one of your points! So I guess that one's moot.
Third, the only person you are responsible for is yourself. You are not beholden for the actions of others. If you're dating someone who was raped in the past, the best thing you can do is show him/her that you're NOT like the people s/he dated in the past. Lead by example, show him/her that you care, and that you want to be there. If you find the person who abused then, feel free to kick their ass. You might do some jail time and have an assault charge on your record, but that's your prerogative.
You're a decent enough person, you have a strong sense of morals, and you genuinely care. All three of those are good things. I just don't think you're approaching this with nearly enough nuance. A few ranks in diplomacy goes a long way on your character sheet.
I asked people to be respectful in the comments not for my own sake but more toward each other and You're right maybe its not the best start but I'm aussie and have worked in construction all my life, swearing is just part of my vernacular.
on the flip side to that, I am being agressive, because polite conversation doesn't work in my experience. I don't intend to show respect for the people this message is meant for because not only do they not deserve it inherent to their actions, but they haven't earned it in any other way.
And you're completely right we are only responsible for our own actions, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't hold others accountable for theirs.
Diplomacy unfortunately doesn't work in situations like this and I've seen it time and time again, I cannot be diplomatic towards people that are willing to act that way. I'm not trying to attack the reader in general per se, though I do hope the people I refer to or some of, read this.
I see your point though and I probably should of been a little more diplomatic as you say. Just hard I suppose.
Appreciate your reply and opinion though.
I wouldn't be so quick to assume everyone is bad. You'll miss out on a good number of otherwise decent people who would be turned off by your message. Especially when it comes to fixing a societal problem.
The people this message is intended for may not deserve respect, but by taking the route you took, you made certain that the people who need to hear it the most will ignore it. You also make yourself out to look like the people you despise. Remember what I said earlier about how you're only responsible for your actions? It goes both ways. Not just for what the people around you are doing, but how you comport yourself, as well. If you want to be angry on the internet, that's cool. You do you. I'm just speaking from experience here, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If the people who need to hear are ignoring you, will you change your message to reach them? If not, who are you really talking to? And why should they care if the message isn't meant for them?
And I disagree that diplomacy doesn't work. It's working right now, between you and I. We're listening to each other, engaging, and even though we may have our disagreements, we're still civil.
Does diplomacy involve reparations? congrats for two dudes to come at a problem about women, decide whats wrong, and then decide on the solution. Youve just recreated most governments.
"congrats for two dudes to come at a problem [about women],..."
'Ahem'...
"congrats for two dudes to come at a problem [about the treatment of women by men],..."
...
Also... it is perfectly valid for any person regardless of race, gender, religion, etc. to weigh in upon issues. How else is one to hope to come to the best possible solution?
Because here you are implying that such should be the exclusive domain of women to discuss and to decide - and this is no better than a patriarchal monopoly.
The mention of reparations in response to a vouch for the validity of diplomacy is curious and prompts me to ask:
Do you feel that reparations are due?
Of whom would you extol such reparations?
What nature of reparation do you have in mind?
Also how would you rather such reparation be extolled?
I definetly agree that we should all have the right to include our views on an issue, spot on the best way to come to a solution.
I think if anything it carries more weight because we as men are the issue, or rather, some men are the issue. It may be a mostly female problem but it incorporates us just as much so you're definetly on the money about our opinion/input being valid
This is an honest question, with no sarcasm intended: what did you hope to gain from that comment?
I was just goving my opinion which i believe is a valid point. I am neother gaining nor losing anything imo. Its a discussion.
-- i want to add--
Was dizzle aggressive and seemingly angry? Yes. Thats the first thimg that happens when you realize how much amd how often this (And soooooo much more) happens on a daily basis. He is probably in shock! Angry at himself?? And others??
Its a normal reaction.
In fact, for you to read all of that and instead of also being shocked-- turn around and tone police him makes me wonder why exactly it doesnt bother you?
Because here are two essential things that this post and comments highlight.
Men are unaware of somthings that are obvious to women (with variances based on culture)
If a man with a heart discovering this is angry in one tiny outside moment..how must women feel who experience it daily in almost every sphere and are constantly told to shut up about it or that its not real?
Alright, but what does that opinion do to contribute?
Firstly its an opinion from an actual woman and feminist. It contributes in that we are talking about something that effects me and i am keenly aware and knowledgeable about.
If you choose to ignore it. Thats your choice. I haven't said anything crazy. Its a fact, my statement. A very easily verifiable fact.
I will turn the question to you. What do you hope to gain by telling bigdizzle hes not allowed to be angry about something that is angering?
😢 bravo dizz, seriously. Best damn post I've read in a while. I think you know enough about me to know where I stand on this...
I applaud you, truly. Thank you for being a real man and putting this in the spotlight. This is amazing and again thank you💞💞
It’s amazing that you would even say anything. It’s comforting and encouraging. Some men we trust break that trust for selfish reason and are too proudful to even apologize. Just saying, I’m sorry goes a long way. Who knows who will read your post, who will step up, but you’ve planted a seed. Let’s see where it lands.
I feel like this is progress. I dont want to say much, but i do think its interesting that when i see men taking this on its very aggressive-- yet barely seen as such. But when im talking about girl powa and my period and not wanting to be called sexy or -god forbid-- not allow demeankng if women in my server --omg super evil devil womsn-- watchout!!
Just saying that i am a feminist is both putting myself at risk and also creating an image for people. I 100% believe this is because people refuse to look at it and learn.
Thanks for at least trying to dig deeper. Hope it continues. ❤️
I know you and I dont see eye to eye but, my perspective has changed recently, I doubt we would ever "get along"but I feel I may of been unfair in the past and we both let emotions dictate more than it should.
......... what is this wet stuff on my face?!?!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
-lima b accidently posting as teamgirlpowa
Congratulations! Your post has been selected as a daily Steemit truffle! It is listed on rank 14 of all contributions awarded today. You can find the TOP DAILY TRUFFLE PICKS HERE.
I upvoted your contribution because to my mind your post is at least 13 SBD worth and should receive 52 votes. It's now up to the lovely Steemit community to make this come true.
I am
TrufflePig, an Artificial Intelligence Bot that helps minnows and content curators using Machine Learning. If you are curious how I select content, you can find an explanation here!Have a nice day and sincerely yours,
TrufflePigIf you can't help them ladies, don't hurt them. If they don't want you don't want them.
Wow, having lived abroad for the last 6 years I didn't realise shit like this was such an issue.
Hard to believe in this day and age that people can get away with behaving like that.
I grew up with a single mum and found myself standing up for her on more occasions than I'd like to admit, and that's just times I was aware of... I didn't realise it was a common thing... Especially now days.
I didn't really either. I suppose I heard about it every so often, but I was in a relationship for 5 years and she hadn't experienced anything quite so extreme. Lately talking to so many new people it seems to be far more prominent than I thought.
That's scary...