#ULOG Healthy weekend: COM19 First entry

Growing old is a sad inevitability in every man's life; our bones grow frail, weird health issues arise, Viagra becomes a recreational drug and you suddenly start using the phrase "young people of these days". Growing old is a bitch, a bitch I'd generally like to avoid so I did some research into the inner workings of longevity and its theoretical(probably practical) parallels with pornography.
Life is a gift, a gift we often tend to fuck up, abuse and in amir's case, rape goats. I think we just have a tendency to self destroy and rape.
I'm not accustomed to checking the coin market stocks, I rarely do, because I'm not a coin trader, I simply mine crypto, hodl crypto and sell it off when @berniesanders says I should but this time, I thought I'd dive in the value pool to see what's going on; a softer man would have gotten a stroke. I thought I'd console my self a bit by watching a good homely Christian movie but one mistake lead to another that led to my fingers opening incognito mode(what happens incognito, stays incognito). A sweet tender moment of relief.
After greasing my eggplant, I figured I'd proceed with my weekend like I always do; slipped into my gym clothes for a quick morning work out and on my way there I'm pretty sure I saw an early morning mugging but that's none of my business. I did what any right minded Nigerian would do and absolutely mind my damn business, God wanted him/her to get robbed.

I'm home now and feeling quite well. Right before my bath, I hit another quick wank to celebrate Nigeria's world cup victory over the Icecream men, took a quality shit simultaneously, then had a bath, got dressed then hopped back in bed to waste what should be at least 5 minutes of your life composing this beautiful story.. Do have a wonderful day.

All gifs were stressfully embeded from giphy
For this round, I nominate @trumpam once again because of his expertise in penis related matters and @rouketas for being comfortable with sperming.
Please vote comedyopenmic as witness, go to steemit.com/~witnesses and type comedyopenmic in the firs space provided.I've shaved goats for this.

Here's the link to this week's introductory post: https://steemit.com/comedyopenmic/@comedyopenmic/comedy-open-mic-comedy-contest-round-19