The Roast featuring slight Racism, Puns and lots of Private Parts: COM 35 second entry

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Come one, come all. You’re welcome to my COM super roast. We have something for every culture; the “no pork” area for muslims, the marijuana corner for the Dutch at heart and of course the pigpen for Trump supporters. If you check under your seats you’d find a saucer of barbeque sauce, a rolled joint and some molly for your troubles.

Meet The Sponsor

Before we get the show on the road, here’s a few words about our sponsor; @comedyopenmic/ @idikuci. Born on some deserted Island in Australia, the young @idikuci was always different from his pairs. At the Tender age of 12, the young prepubescent teen would often be seen spending hours staring at his cock for no apparent reason, for any outsider this would be weird but in their little village off the coast of Papua New guinea, that was actually a coming of age ritual. Despite his early coming of age reaction, the young @idikuci was actually a late bloomer and got his first erection at the age of 18. Five years ago, he found out his great grand father from his Mother’s side was actually a llama and even though he’s somewhat conversant with human ways, he’s always true and proud of his roots. It is still uncomfirmed but rumour has it that the #comedyopenmic concept came to him in a trance, other sources say it was a joint(weed) effort between himself and his imaginary friend, @take5. No one really knows and quite frankly, no one cares. We just love taking his money; Help me welcome the sponsor of this roast, Mr. @idikuci.

About Amir

So back to the business at hand, we have a roastography around three interesting individuals that keep the community going. In no particular order, I’ll start with our resident Goat whisperer @amirtheawesome1. Born by Iraqi parents somewhere between a landmine and a mysoginistic uncle, Amir had never actually fit into his society; he never let Uncle Omar finger him, he never fucked any of his cousins and his unusally long 5 inch penis made him the talk of the town. Life has it’s twists and turns, and instead of going into the family business of bomb making, he ventured into standup comedy. Sadly, his comedy career had an abrupt end in his home town; labelled an outlaw for trying to “make people laugh” he was exiled and currently in asylum somewhere in the UAE where he posts lame jokes(that we upvote because of all the death threats, ask @berniesanders).

Did you now?

• Amir has extremely smooth skin because he sips milk directly from his goat’s tits.
• Amir doesn’t have an ak47. He’s the only one that got an M16 for his 12th birthday.
• Due to his “humongous” penis, Amir starred in a local porno movie that had 5million streams in Iraq. Till date, It is still the lowest ever viewed porn clip in Iraqi history

Meet Noukie

Well if you’re impressed by a 5inch penis then I assure you, @anouk.nox will literally blow your mind with that “Amster-damn” goodness. In my sojourn through life, I don’t think I’ve ever encountered one as talented as this lady; fluent in English, Dutch and blow jobs, she works for communities like the #utopian-io where she translates posts in English to dutch and blowjobs to upvotes. In a confidential conversation with her, she opened up about her checkered history with drug and penis addiction, saying and I quote “I couldn’t keep em out of my mouth”. In a bid to reinvent herself, she took a bold step and moved to Budapest and has been doing part time work as a “translator” for a strip club, No one speaks Dutch there so your guess is as good as mine.
Did you know?

• Noukie is the only one that has seen @ned’s penis on steemit community
• Noukie was considered a late bloomer during her childhood days; she rolled her first blunt at age 6.
• Noukie’s blowjob is considered medicinal in most parts of Europe. It has been known to relieve stress, cure blindness and mild cases of malaria.

NOt Your Regular Disk Jockey

What do you get when you combine the best blow job in the world with a 5inch penis? An oral explosion. Unicorns, big foot, your tax is used to improve your life and a couple of other mythical concepts fall into the same category with whatever @dj123 is. A lot is unclear about the identity of this creature but what can’t be denied is it’s influence on various communities and projects.

Did You know?

• Account1: @dj123 came into existence right around the BTC boom between 2009-2010.
• Account 2: @dj123 was invented by Russians to spy on america but a glitch in it’s programming led to it saying “fuck” too often and was abandoned.
  *Confirmed: To get a 100%upvote from @dj123, mention “penis, dick, pussy or weed” up to five times cumulatively and it’ll appear.

With this, we’ve come to the end of this horribly planned event. I’d like to thank you all for reading this far, I’m truly amazed you did because I didn’t even get this far and I wrote the shit. Anyways, according to the rules, I nominate @holybranches, @bigdeej and @ruth-girl to make entries for this week’s contest.