PHOTOGRAPHY AND POETRY / Jackknife
Scenic overlook on the shores of Southern Lake Michigan
Jackknife
We stop at a scenic overlook,
sit at an old wooden picnic table
that has silvered with age.
You open a small box of crackers.
I get out my jack knife, cut slices
of lunchmeat and cheese.
Your shirt is the color of the sky,
Indian turquoise.
Without speaking
we know we are happy.
A cool breeze from the lake
rustles the leaves.
I carve our initials
onto the table.
As we clear things to leave,
you hold out your hand
and show me a splinter.
I drag the sharp edge of my knife
over your skin.
You don't cry or flinch
as I gently remove it.
This is great poetry! You have real talent over there! Keep up the great work.You deserve for vote.Please check my post.
Thanks.
Those are nice lines but life get's freaking hard sometimes where no one with you. You fight for yourself. You have to be your own best friend.
Thanks, and hold on you will find someone.
wow ! Great post.story is my love
Many thanks.
Sublime. A very relaxing and enjoyable read!
Thanks, Lake Michigan is a wonderful place.
A beautiful and calming piece of writing. :) Up voted.
Thanks I am glad you enjoyed it.
beautiful capture, love ur poetry .. thanks for sharing
Thanks I'm glad to share it with you.
Ohh man, my eyes welled up as I was reading this. Haha! I'm not ashamed to admit it. That's how you moved me with this intimate piece. You really painted a vivid picture, and I really enjoyed the dynamic between the characters. From the feel of the breeze to the sound of the rustling leaves, the way you composed this make it so that every word is given a spotlight. Amazing stuff, man!
Thanks your comment means a lot I appreciate it. For the most part I'm a minimalist with my writing, I try to get to the essence of the subject using as few words as possible.
I must say, you did it quite effectively. I've been trying to practice that in my writing, and your writing is a great influence. I'm a minimalist in other aspects of my life, but, for the life of me, I don't know why I'm having trouble applying it to my writing haha
Kurt Vonnegut says that if it doesn't add new detail about one of the characters giving you new insight or if it doesn't Advance the narrative forward it should be in the story. I always have that in the back of my mind as an editing a piece.
Oh yeah, I'm a student of Vonnegut myself. His work is a great influence of mine. Sometimes though, I go off-book and add red herrings to the piece just to add some unexpected flavor ;)
" You say it best when you say nothing at all" Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for reading and commenting I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Very soft and sophisticated, I like the ambient and the rythm of your lines.
The view is amazing and I can almost imagine how you were sitting at that silvered table...:-)
Thanks I'm glad you enjoyed it. Lake Michigan is a beautiful place I love swimming in the freshwater but there is seldom any Surfers.