BEASTLY TALES

THE PUGILIST

Of course with such a temperament,
It wasn’t long before he was sent,
Into a career of professional boxing.
His opponents quickly learned that out foxing,
Paddy O’Leary was not on the cards,
He always did beat them by many yards.
So with such a pugnacious reputation,
It wasn’t surprising he became champ of the nation.

His trainer would give him very high hopes,
As he sat in his ring corner, against ropes.
“Stand up and fight until you hear the bell”,
“Stand toe to toe, as you know very well”.
“Until you hear that bell, that final bell”,
“Stand up and fight like hell!”
Then the trainer would put the mouth guard in,
Making it difficult for Paddy to grin.
The bell then sounds and they are away,
Punching and jabbing as they go into the frey.
Paddy did not need to carefully look,
As he dished out a stupendous left hook.
His opponent twirled completely around,
Before slamming hard, right down to the ground.
The referee began counting down from ten,
He was one of those mathematics men.
Jackson and Johnson, Harvey and Bronsen,
One by one they came, only for their swansong.

Now Paddy had noticed a girl most striking.
She was indeed, very much to his liking.
He decided that he would ask her out.
She at first declined saying, “You’re just a lout!”
But Paddy was not the type to give up,
He had noticed that she was going out with a very young pup.
Paddy being, by nature, belligerent,
Went out of his way to fight this gent.
Now, as everyone readily knows,
Pugilists are not renowned for their prose.
So when Paddy said, “You want a fight, or what!”
The younger chap said, “I’d rather not!”

“I know your name, they call you Howard”,
“And I readily see you are a snivelling coward”.
Howard responded, “I consider you rude”,
“And indisputably very crude”.
This was too much, for Paddy O’Leary,
Who then indignantly made this query,
“You seem to think a lot of yourself”,
“But you’re small and puny, and look like an elf”.
“Millie, for that was the girl’s name,
“Wouldn’t choose you over me. That’s insane!”
Howard rejoined, “But I’m afraid she has old chap”.
And that made Paddy feel quite a sap.
“If you think yourself to be so cute”,
Said Paddy, “Being a bit of a brute”,
“Come and let me hear you shout”,
“As I come to punch your lights right out!”

Millie now decided to act,
Said she, “I readily know a fact”,
“That you are disgusting Paddy O’Leary,”
“With your hairy chest and breath so beery”.
“I will go with Howard, and good gracious”
“Just try, for once, to not be so pugnacious!”
So Paddy, then, did fade away,
He suddenly felt his feet like clay.
How could such a strange thing,
Cause him to retire from the boxing ring?