BEASTLY TALES

THE DOCTOR

Otto Clipzinger said that a Doctor ruined his day,
“There is no other way to describe it, no way.”
“I was happily getting right along with life”
“When this doctor gives me a lot of strife!”
“People had suggested I give him a call,”
“They thought that I was too fat, and all,”
“The next thing I know they’ve jabbed me with a needle,”
“Now I’m not one to moan and wheedle,”
“But they drew out blood at an alarming rate,”
“I became most terribly concerned at my fate,”
“They said they would send it to Laverty Pathology.”
“To a Lavatory?” said I, “That didn’t sound scholarly!”
“Well, they let me go then, with a sore arm.”
“I am sure they didn’t want to cause alarm.”

Three weeks later, I’m back there again,”
“My mental reserves, they want to drain.”
“My cholesterol is though the roof!”
“And there’s me, standing quiet and aloof.”
“He says, not only that, but you’re far too fat.”
“Is that rude, or what! It’s not polite chat!”
“He says, your blood pressure could drive a pumping station.”
“He really knows how to give an education.”
“Says he, jump right onto these scales,”
“They may not work, they weren’t built for whales.”
“Two hundred kilos! That’s quite a lot!”
“No wonder your organs seem to be shot!”
“You will probably feel like starting to riot,”
“But you, my friend, are going on a diet.”
“Not only that, but he prescribed some pills”
“These may help you with some of your ills.”
“Ever since then I’ve been having sheaves,”
“Of spinach, kale and lettuce leaves.”
“And popping pills, twice a day,”
“Now what more can a chap say.”
“I was feeling fine, before I saw the Doc.,”
“But now I’m in a perpetual state of shock!”
“I never thought myself to be so fat,”
“Well built perhaps, and that was that!”
“But now I stop and think of it,”
“It must be why my clothes don’t fit.”

“I’m supposed to go back in a month or three,”
“But as you can see, in this restaurant we be”
“I’m busily preparing to tuck into my tea.”