BEASTLY TALES

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

“Hello Fred, long time no see,”
“We’ve missed you, but here you be.”
“You must tell us just where you’ve been,”
“I hope it was somewhere soft and green,”
“Out in the countryside, in a fair, pleasant land,”
“Staying in a luxury hotel, quite grand.”

“Actually, I’ve been locked up in jail,”
“That is why I am so pale.”
“Innocent, of course I am.”
“But, never-the-less, I was in a jam.”
“They thought I clobbered the Chief Magistrate,”
“Right there, in the restaurant where he ate.”
“But it was a case of identity mistaken,”
“There’s a lout who my signature’s been fakin’”
“He looks much like the magistrate,”
“So I thumped him while he ate.”
“Or I thought I did, at least,”
“Spoiled his appetite, the dirty beast!”

“How long did you get, for this mistake?”
“It certainly was a bad mistake to make.”
Said Fred, “They gave me thirty days.”
“Such severity, did me, truly amaze.”
“It seems more than just a little steep,”
“Just for thumping that obnoxious creep.”
“But, of course, I thought him to be a forger.”
“Not a fat magistrate, food gorger.”
“I tried to explain, but would they listen?”
“No way, even when my outraged tears did glisten.”
Said they, “You’ve caused much great alarm,”
“To a magistrate, with Grievous Bodily Harm.”
“Well what could I say. Caught bang to rights.”
“But it’s not as though I’ve had previous fights.”

“I once kicked a pimp right down the stairs.”
“He had insulted my forebears and heirs”
“But on that occasion I wasn’t apprehended,”
“So a few extra punches were also rendered.”

“There was also that time I kicked a preacher.”
“He looked exactly like my old school teacher.”
“I mean, is it really fair that preachers?”
“Insist on looking like school teachers?”
“It was entirely his fault. I thought at the time.”
“Fortunately they didn’t arrest me for any crime.”

“Ha, Ha, Ha! I’ll tell you something funny.”
“I owed this joker lots of money.”
“He’d been bothering me for too long.”
“So when I saw him I thumped the drong!”
“But here’s the thing. That face did not belong,”
“To that repulsive little nong,”
“But to Chief Inspector Draper,”
“Who was busy pursuing a serial raper.”
“He must have thought his quarry slogged him,”
“To get back at him, on a whim.”

‘Yes, someone’s identity to mistake,”
“Is a most unfortunate error to make!”