BEASTLY TALES

LOVES LABOURS LOST

Millie Malloy loved the next door boy,
Whenever she saw him she became coy,
But she loved him in her own fashion.
The next door boy didn’t love Malloy, but did regard her with passion.
And so, as days, weeks and months did pass,
They regarded each other, at home and in class.
“If only he would ask me to go out,”
“Then, without shadow of any doubt,”
“He would undoubtedly fall for me,”
“And we could, forever after, live happily.”

As for that boy, named Morton Schmuk,
His intentions were dishonourable, so unstuck.
Said he, “Let’s go into the potting shed,”
A euphemism for, “let’s go right to bed!”
If he had any gallantry, even an iota,
He’d have asked, “Come for a drive in my motor?”
Or, “I’ll take you to a film, and then dinner,”
Such an invitation more likely a winner.
But, no, Schmuk was a dumb cluck, of highest order.
A parasite, a pariah, a reputation defrauder.

Millie Malloy was shedding the scales from her eyes.
Schmuk’s behaviour was really no surprise.
“He’s shown himself to be such a selfish brute,”
“I cannot imagine how I ever thought him cute.”
“How could I have been so misguided,”
“Any feelings for him have surely subsided.”
Well done, Millie, her friends did say.
If you see him again, just walk away!

Here comes that dimwit, Morton Schmuk,
Head full of rubbish, mind full of muck.
“Could he have really captivated my heart?”
Wondered Millie, “Such an odious fart!”
“Hi there, Millie,” Schmuk then engaged.
Millie turned around, acting estranged.
I must have said something causing affront,
Something not kindly, something quite blunt.
Perhaps a bunch of flowers might do the trick.
Allowing me to make up with this chick!
He secured some flowers from the cemetery,
And dropped around in time for tea.
“A bouquet for you, my dear, from the heart!”
“Let’s dine at McDonald's, we’ll dine a la carte!”
Millie gave him a withering look,
A look that he completely mistook,
For acquiescence in her heart,
Yes acquiescence to a new start!
“Morton, you are indeed a devious toad!”
“For you and I, it is the end of the road.”
“And, the next time you purloin flowers to support your story"
“Remove the condolence card, make it less gory!”
Schmuk’s jaw nearly hit the ground,
The old Millie gone, a new one found!
“Millie, you were never like this before.”
“Things have changed, I’m showing you the door!”