What Can I Do to Make My Child Less Attached?

It's no surprise that couples who live together and have a relationship where neither partner has moved out find that their relationship becomes less attached over time. As children grow up and leave home, they move away from parents, and it's not uncommon for relationships to start to sort of "step back' in time. In fact, many of the most successful marriages in history have been couples where one or both partners has gone through marriage counseling at some point. So how do you become less attached to your co-parenting partner?


One of the best ways to approach the topic of becoming less attached is to take an active role in parenting time. By parenting with an attitude of gratitude, your co-parenting partner will be more inclined to be responsive. This is true even of the most committed couples who still have unresolved conflict. But it takes a conscious effort on your part to be actively engaged in your parenting, and it will pay off. Here are three examples of mindful parenting:

o Creates a parenting plan. Many couples who live together have a set of parenting rules that they have worked out together and stick to. If you and your ex-spouse are trying to figure out what went wrong, or if you are concerned that you or your spouse is not paying enough attention to your children, creating a parenting plan together can help you make sure you're on track. You can then go back and work on creating more effective rules and guidelines for your own family.

o Start early. Children grow faster when you begin taking them out on a regular basis. If you and your ex-spouse take the initiative to get out and about with your children as often as possible during a typical week, it creates a sense of familiarity for them. This builds trust and decreases the likelihood that your child will feel neglected or abandoned when you're not home.

o Pick a different time for play. A lot of kids, especially those who live with their parents, develop an overactive sense of "I'm always being asked to do something." The best solution is to pick a different time of day when you and your child can play. If you both love watching television, pick some on different times of the day. Otherwise, you can watch together a couple of hours a week.

o Schedule bonding time. It's perfectly fine for parents to spend a few minutes alone with their children once a week. However, if you and your partner can spend quality time simply talking and laughing, this will be more helpful to your child than just a few minutes of chat time. If you do need a bit of alone time, try putting some alone time together during your lunch hour.

o Put aside a special game. One of the biggest causes of sadness in families is the fact that most children feel like their parents are doing everything wrong. Rather than watching television or playing video games, pick up a board, chalkboard, or coloring book and create your own game. This will be a great way for you and your children to bond while strengthening your relationship.


o Create a ritual. When you and your child have quiet time, it's important that you make sure that you two maintain your routine. For example, if you have a nightly ritual of going to bed and then getting up in the morning, your child will be used to it. If you don't have a set time for bedtime, create one and go with your child. Whatever you and your child do during your free time, make sure that it's comforting. As your child becomes less attached, he'll find comfort in your ritual.