How to Avoid Unattractive Expectations in Your Relationships

Unrealistic expectations can cause major problems in your relationship with your partner. Unrealistic expectations are ones that aren't realistic or based on realistic forecasts of how things are going to turn out. If your unrealistic expectations are not grounded in realistic reality, they will often result in resentment, depression, anxiety, and even self-doubt. Unrealistic expectations can cause major obstacles in your relationship with your partner.


One of the most common expectations people have about marriage is that the relationship will end in a divorce. The fact is that divorce is almost always avoided when one of the partners gives realistic grounds for it. Many people feel like their expectations are so unrealistic that they are not willing to give them up even if they feel like they are right. The following tips will help you deal with unrealistic expectations in your marriage:

Always communicate. It is very important that you and your spouse fully understand expectations before you ever talk to each other. Be careful not to make assumptions or use curse words when talking about expectations. This can cause a lot of hurt feelings and disappointment down the road. You don't want your expectations to be blown out of proportion. If you and your partner are trying to work through an issue and it is leading to more disappointment and frustration than you both expected, then talk to your partner about the expectations you have and work through them.

Try to find common ground. It is easy to talk about unrealistic expectations when they come up. Try to find some common ground that both of you can agree on. For example, if you both think your expectations are too high, it's okay to talk about that. By talking about it together, you can avoid blowback by not getting into a big fight over it later. This may be the beginning stages of healing and repairing your relationship.

Consider changing circumstances. A good way to avoid disappointment is to consider the fact that the problem you're having isn't always true. If you both agreed on unrealistic expectations when you talked about the problems in your marriage, then change those expectations for something a little more reasonable. In the book "The Marriage Survival Guide", Morris said that if your marriage is headed in a down-spin, then it's important to "change the course and not wait for it to happen".

Ask questions. You can also change unrealistic expectations by asking questions and seeking answers for yourself. When you ask questions, you give your partner an opportunity to provide information for you to learn. Ask questions about things you were never able to answer or you never understood. Also, if you feel your partner is offering you something that you don't know, then it's a sign to try to get more information.

Take ownership. The last thing you need is to expect to get better after the fact. If you think that your relationship needs work, then don't just accept that your relationship will always be like that. You have to own up and take responsibility for your part in the problem. Don't blame your partner, but don't just accept that they've done something wrong either; take full responsibility for fixing the issues.


If you want to avoid disappointment in your relationships, then you must eliminate all unrealistic expectations. Don't hold yourself back because you think that it's too difficult. If you do that, then you won't get the help you need. You can eliminate unrealistic expectations by following Morris' advice. Learn what really works, what's okay to have and what's not okay. Then set realistic expectations so that you won't lose hope.