Raw Post - Suicide & Moving Through It
Raw Post - Suicide & Moving Through It
Raw transmission coming to me today as I saw this picture & LOL'd pretty hard at it. I remember about 6 years ago, I was going through some pretty intense energy. I was letting go of all my friends that I was inseparable with, I stopped drinking, I had gotten out of a really challenging relationship where I honestly didn't want to live on the planet anymore.
I actually contemplated my suicide pretty heavily. I had a knife out, but wasn't exactly sure if thats what I wanted to do. So instead I just choked myself on my bed until I couldn't breathe. I started hearing ringing in my ears, and couldn't even tell if I was on Earth anymore. My mom had to call my best friend in Germany to settle me down as I am yelling in the phone saying, "I can't do it anymore, I'm done." I have tears streaming down my face, hearing all the voices in my head saying to take my life and then another saying "no, its not your time." I remember being so sad that my relationship was over, although it was literally the shittiest relationship ever lol, although I'm so happy it happened, because it helped me grow so much. I was looking in my eyes in the mirror as I had red scratches all over my face because I was scratching at my body telling, Whatever if was the created me to just take me out of my body and I was done.
I was super Agnostic at this time too and didn't believe in God, but knew something was out there. This was the first time I realized I was a soul in body and I had more to live for because as I was scratching at myself, I realized my body wasn't mine. Then as I am crying my eyes out in the mirror, this flicker in my eyes happened and this overpowering sense of love took me over and made me cry tears of joy. Straight from sadness to happiness in a matter of seconds and it was the most beautiful feeling in the world.
I then got up from crying off the floor and looking at myself in the mirror to going to the computer and looked up on Google, "What are thoughts?" Which brought me to the school University Of Metaphysics, which I received my bachelors in (although I don't care about a degree, it was one of my favorite achievements that I rarely talk about) It was one of my favorites because out of sadness and darkness, I found the light and was able to be strong and move through the pain and in connection to this I became so into Meditation, Astrology, Dimensions, Astral World, God, Affirmations & all that jazz.
Through my deep dark night of the soul awakening, came the life that I had been longing for. So as funny as this picture was to me, it brought up a lot and has shown me how far I have come through my awakening. It can be dark and challenging, but there is always that transition of growth where it will bring you, no matter how challenging it is. And just know if you ever need anyone to talk to in terms of suicidal thoughts, or just dark stuff, I'm a very listening ear.
Awakening is not all happiness and positive energy, it can be a very dark experience which is one of the main reasons why I like to bring light to the darkness because it has so much healing for us as well, if we choose to see it in that way.
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Brilliant picture and great post! If people are suffering, they have to deal with the cause of it rather than just blocking it out and trying to be positive. Its just a natural part of the healing process which there is a huge ill-understanding of. We need more people telling it as it is :)
I am Groot! :D
I remember when we talked about this on the hangout. You are such a beautiful soul Goddess! <3 <3 <3 <3