Cockroach in the Louvre

I used to be close friends with the lady who ran the local chapter of RAW Artists here in Boise. I implore you to go if you haven't yet and live in the local area. It's a phenomenal display of every type of art imaginable. A collection of imagination and awesomeness. I enjoyed it every time... until I got offered to showcase at the show.

As soon as the suggestion came up that I should exhibit my pieces, I froze up. I felt like there was a uncomfortable burning spotlight on me. Like someone chose to call attention to the fact that there was a cockroach in the Louvre. Which is how I felt. I definitely didn't think I deserved to be among the exhibits I saw before me. I haven't been back since, sadly. I let my fear get the better of me. I didn't feel like I could trust myself to be good enough, or to trust random strangers with glimpses of my life and thoughts that they would probably not understand. Then again, as they say, if something causes any reaction, it's art...right?

I tend to have a similar anxiety with other things in life. When I wind up in the spotlight when I don't necessarily feel comfortable being there, I back off. I scatter. I hate that I do, but I do. I look at my art and think that others will see the flaws and the less-than-expert execution, and if art is a reflection of the artist, then I must be just as poorly put together. I've gotten better with eliminating this in my life, but every once in a while it sneaks back in like a bad memory.

I am sharing this with you because I feel like this is an environment where I am safe to be... vulnerable. Damn that word made me feel a little ill. I trust the local community enough to see my pieces, be as they may, and finally let go of some of the cowardice I feel with putting my art out there. It's about damn time...