Exploring Thought Episode #04 - Nonviolent Communication

Here's a link to the podcast/audio version if anyone would like to listen rather than read.

Hello again out there! The subject of today is going to be "nonviolent communication".
Nonviolent communication has been one of the most valuable things I've learned.
And in my personal case, I think it was more of a relearning because I used to be much more peaceful in my language when I was younger.
Though, I think after arguing with a fair share of "difficult" or "unruly" sorts of people over time, I eventually started feeding into it and getting nasty back.
I'd say I was still very honorable and only attacked when myself or others were seriously attacked first, yet when I did attack back I was often pretty vicious.

Unfortunately, many of those exchanges ended badly with harsh words being flung or in either myself or others blocking or unfriending each other...
And while I'm still not perfect by any means and still slip up sometimes, these days I usually have much better conversations and get my points across much better.
Even if they insult me I tend to essentially try to ignore feeding into that and keep focused on the point and on trying to hear what they are really trying to say.
That's been one of the key things I've learned about nonviolent communication, and that's to try to hear what others are REALLY trying to say.
Listening is important and should not be underestimated in my opinion, it can build relatability and you can end up learning a lot!

It's been a lot less stressful these days now that I've been working on nonviolent communication.
I was actually getting to a point before learning this kind of stuff where I would often get stressed out when opening and reading many of my messages.
I got so much vitriol on a regular basis expressing myself the way I was, that I would literally have a physical sort of reaction in my body when reading some messages.
It would feel as if my heart rate increased and sometimes like there was an unpleasant almost even painful sensation or "pit" in my stomach.

It was like a fight or flight response, as if my ego was getting ready for battle and to fight for it's life.
That barely ever happens anymore, I let people say what they're going to say and do my best to not be bothered by what they say or get dragged down into nasty arguments.
And as I said, I'm not perfect at this and I still get into heated arguments at times, just not nearly as much as I used to and they are much less intense usually.

Another one of the main things I learned is to do your best to avoid ad hominems and personal attacks.
Language that demonizes others often spirals deeper as some might feel attacked.
Which can lead to them getting defensive or to even want to attack back, instead of focusing specifically on the given subject matter.
This can create a vicious cycle with very unpleasant longer term results.
If you just focus on the issues instead of trying to psychologically get the upper hand on others then I think that is smart and more optimal.
There was a time I used to love arguing in an almost competitive sense, and now it just seems so much less effective to me than just having regular peaceful conversations.

To be fair though, I do think sometimes strong language has its place...
And sometimes it seems like the only way to get through to certain people is with strong language.
If you speak the language they are familiar with and exhibit then that can sometimes be helpful as certain people might not even take you seriously if you're too peaceful.
BUT... I do think the vast majority of people probably want to be talked to with respect and be treated decently.
So, you may want to use some discretion here and try to figure out what language they may be most receptive to and act accordingly.

However, at the same time there's an argument for not feeding into the energy levels of others at all...
And just being yourself regardless of whatever they do.
Whether it's more important to stay true to you like that...
Or if you think you need to temporarily meet others on their level of operating to get important information across.
Whichever side you may be on in regard to this issue, I think nonviolent communication can be a useful and interesting subject to look into and learn more about.

I've also had a lot more success in getting my points across in conversation with others.
I think I've made friends with some people who I wouldn't otherwise be friends with because I'm trying to focus on the issues more instead of my ego.
I never really thought I was egotistical and still believe I've been pretty humble, but looking back in retrospect I do find I was a bit egotistical at times.
And in my case if I truly believe that I want to help others with my efforts then I should probably be most focused on how I can best address the given issue.

I've found that this subject was sort of like one of the "missing links" for me.
And that it helped me put so much into perspective that was sort of disconnected and under the surface in my subconscious.
I realized, If I'm trying to promote peace and even extend that to the animals to the best of my ability, it just makes total sense to speak more peacefully as well.
I feel like I'm even closer to being in alignment with my values and that it was a bit hypocritical for me to be fighting with such violent words so much for peace.
I let my emotions get away from me which likely hurt my efforts at the goals I was working on and now I rarely ever have long drawn out dramatic arguments that end badly anymore.

Our words can be powerful and something we say can end up making a real difference in the world.
So to become more proficient and effective in this area could be vital.
It could mean the difference between getting your message across and getting blocked.
Between someone continuing their unjust destructive behavior towards themselves or others and not.

In summary, I would suggest looking into nonviolent communication sometime when you have time if the subject interests you.
It's been life changing for me in a positive way and I think it can be very useful to learn about some of this kind of stuff even if you're not some sort of activist.
And as a quick lil final thought for this episode... Wouldn't it be neat if more people in the world talked to each other more peacefully?
It seems like so many people are always arguing and yelling and trying to intimidate or aggrandize and that often does get more attention...
Though, I think being more peaceful could have great implications and applications as well.

Now that I've shared my thoughts, I encourage you to share your thoughts if you want to.
Feel free to drop a comment on whichever social media is best for you or you can send an email to [email protected]
I'll do my best to respond if it's reasonable for me to do so and if I have the time and am able to.
Thank you for your time and bye until next time!