Celebration vs grief.. The pain of a mother missing her children

Today is a special day for us, unfortunately the two that should be with us to celebrate this special day are not with us. They are in the hands of the man I used to love, and thought was going to be a sincere father to our children. Today I feel sad, and I am angry behind my tears.

You took them from me playing your sneaky games. I was blind for having a family for the children when you started to play those games. I wanted the best for the children, both their parents in their lives, and both parents trying to have a good relationship to make sure they will not be affected by us breaking up. I tried and tried and tried, but you had to play games even harder every single time I got back on my feet, and especially when you saw me begin happy and myself again.

You took everything I had to live for, and I thought I would not survive with them being in YOUR house and you not letting me see them as soon as you got the power. I thought I could not cope, but I did, it was really difficult, but I did. Because of the man that you hated so much for being a father figure in their lives. The man they looked up to, because he actually made time for them. He didn't just put on the computer/tv for them, no he actually interacted with them. And yes he was strict, but they absolutely needed this, and you know what, after a few months they were behaving better than ever before. He was that good influence they needed, and he loves them dearly!

You should have had respect for a single guy, falling in love with the mother of your children to open his house and share his love, money and time with not only me, but also our precious children. You should be happy that another man stepped up where you left. Because need I to remind you that you weren't there at all? You were there from the moment I fled to that shelter, and then all of the sudden you had that "mask" on like you were the good parent. But you weren't ever, you rather go drinking and partying with your "friends" to show off. I know your true colors, and one day every one will know..

I am not focusing on you now, though. But I am in pain, and I grieve for the loss of my children. Even though they are luckily still alive, I grieve for them being in your hands. Because I know I have to be very careful in the future with taking steps to get them back, as you will not be stopped easily. You won't listen to a court order, you proved already that you will take the children from me even though we all agreed I could see them daily. So I am very cautious when it comes to you. I will be prepared for the worst, and I have to prepare my steps long before. But I will, I will do anything to get my two oldest precious children back.

I cry for them when they aren't around seeing their little sister grow up. Do you know their little sisters asked to see the pictures of her brother and sister daily? And then she tries to pronounce their names and gives them countless kisses. It is sweet to watch, but also breaking my heart. They should be able to kiss each other daily in real life. Not through a picture. And I gave the 2 oldest a photo album the last time I saw them, but I am sure you made it disappear. Because you can't cope with them talking/asking about their mother/stepfather and little sister. You aren't man enough!

I can only hope that you aren't violent to them, that you aren't putting them in a situation where they are being abused. This is my biggest worry, and it's hard even to think about. I hope you kiss them goodnight every night, and I hope you value them for who they are and becoming. Put on that mask of being a good loving father, for them. So they suffer in the least way possible that you took them from their mother.

Today I celebrate, but today I also grief, I miss you so much little ones. I hope you think about me too...

Take care of each other and don't give up hoping that we will be reunited.

AnoukNox

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