Friendly advice

Are you telling me that you want to come to live in my country, in my city?

Great!! Welcome!!

But are you prepared? Don’t get me wrong, I am only asking this for your own good, only in your best interest because my country is not your everyday, normal country.

You don’t know what do I mean by being prepared?

Well, we can do a quick evaluation and at the end you will see for yourself if you are prepared or not, and, of course, I will tell you also. Do you want to?

Ok, let’s begin with the most important things! First things first!

Let’s see do you know every trick in the book. I want to see your thought process.

WOW!!!Don’t you know any of them?!

Ok. Let’s see how well you know the scams. Again, this is just to see how you think.

From what I can see, here, in my country you will be carried thirsty over water, they will outwit you left right and center.

Ok, you suck at this, now let’s see do you know how to handle yourself.

Ok, I know in that computer game you play you are master assassin and member of Special Forces, but, you know, computer game and real life, it is not quite the same.

It would be much better for you if, once in a while, you hit the dojo, or as my crew calls it “The Sweatshop”.

Ok, at least, give me 50 push-ups. But real, proper push-ups!

What do you mean you can’t? Ok, give me as much as you can.

Barely 15.

Now I want you to run as fast as you can for 500 meters, and after that I will see the state of your breathing and do you have shaking hands.

No, that ain’t gonna work.

Now, we will go and take a walk.

Show me your most badass streetwear. Actually, streetwear is not that important. If you wear the right kind of clothes it only shows to a passenger on the street that you know the streets, that you belong there and that you know how things are going down, shows that you understand.

But it is only a superficial picture, it is only a facade. Because the strangers on the streets wouldn’t know if the clothes you are wearing represent real you or they are just a part of an act unless they come and talk to you. Only when they come and talk to you, only then they can assess if your clothes represent real you, if your clothes are in sync with who you truly are or your clothes are just a facade, just your camouflage, just a part of an act. Actually, there are some other ways when a person can see if you are being real or not even if that person hasn’t said a word to you, but those are some hints that not a lot of people will catch.

The whole point is to wear the clothes that represent real you, to be true to yourself, if you are a nerd wear nerdy clothes, but be careful what kind of vibe you clothes gives off, because if your clothes gives off the wrong vibe, gives I-don’t-know-what-is-going-on vibe or this-is-totally-unknown-world-to-me-because-all-I-ever-go-to-are-libraries vibe, then a lot more people will try to take advantage of you.

There is a lot more to this, and they are way more important than your clothes, like the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you stand, how you behave, where you are looking at and what kind of look you are sending out from your eyes, all of these total strangers on the street can see and they will assess, they will judge you by them, but right now we are not going to go that deep. Now, show me your streetwear.

Nice pair of jeans and a cool T-shirt. That is good! That is progress!

Show me you “speedy” sneakers.

Don’t know what are those?

Those are sneakers that are part of your streetwear. Sneakers that will tell me, when I look at them, only at them and nothing else, those sneakers will tell me that you know what’s going on and that you know how things will roll, that you have some asphalt in your blood.

Maybe those are “speedy” sneakers over there where you’re from, but those are not “speedy” sneakers here.

Let’s go and take a walk through the town.

Ok, we’ve been walking for some time.

Could you feel the pulse of the streets?

No, it’s not madness. You are funny.

Ok, let’s go to drink some coffee, shall we? I know a good place nearby.

What I am about to say are the words that are coming from the right place in my heart, take them as a friendly advice.

Right now you are in my country and you will stay here for a while, and you will have a great time, you will have a blast, I know you will, and you can come back anytime, and you are welcome to come back whenever you want, but please, the way you are right now, please don’t overstay, there are no valid reasons for a French poodle to be in hungry lion’s den.