Every 4 months the Suwie'dy family (Mine) gets together and discusses important events and lay down what to do for urgent matters as well as plan for the next 4 months. Here are the highlights from the last meeting.

Proper Punishment For Ali

One of the things the tribe has to set out is disciplining the young minds of the tribe for the future. When we met we had a very urgent internal affair to attend to which is finding the proper punishment for my cousin Ali as he, and I'm not making this up, was caught wearing an above the knees red jeans short when he went down to the local grocery. The head of the tribe first suggested we kill him, which we unanimously said no to, well almost unanimously as uncle Abdulzahra had a daughter that Ali was supposed to marry but the whole thing fell through. Suggesting we let Ali die for wearing red jeans short kinda sends the signal that he may not have gotten over the wedding thing. Strictly was against the killing was uncle Jassim who's daughter is Ali's other cousin that he decided to marry instead. It's safe to assume that this tribe is three steps away from becoming the new Lannisters minus the money.

At 23 years old, Ali was waiting upon the final verdict for his heinous crime of poor wardrobe, if you were to ask me for an Iraqi hairy man to wear short red jeans does require severe punishment. I however suggested we give Ali the chance to explain his actions on the day that will now forever be referred to as the "red Tuesday". His reply was "I was in a hurry as I was playing fortnite online" which was enough of an answer for me however we spent three hours and 36 minutes explaining playing online to the rest, then explain fortnite, then explain video games. In the end Ali was let off the hook with a warning as well they had the red jeans short confiscated.

The Infamous Case of the Flashy Yellow Underwear from 2009

While the meeting I'm writing these highlight about occurred few days ago, the case of the flashy yellow underwear has been a controversial subject since 09. You see on an early morning in Basra (South of Iraq) kids were heading out for school, the school is very close to a lake, one which women go to some times to wash clothes when the water is out. Cousin Hameed (7 years old) son of uncle Ali (A different Ali) spotted aunt Zahra while she we sitting by the lake washing clothes, so fate had it that Aunt Zahra was sitting in a Basic Instinct Sharone Stone way mid switching legs. Or more accurately

Thus she was accidentally flashing out her yellow underwear to Hameed's sight who instead of keeping it to himself, he decided to wait for her and uncle Mazin's son (Yes cousins as well) and told him about what he saw describing the event as following "now I know why she comes here from dawn, it's because the sun shines from her vagina". The two boys started and then slight older kids showed tried to dismantle the boys and ended up fighting as well, eventually the grown ups showed up and started to fight as well. The curse of the flashy yellow underwear has cost total damage of 19 missing teeth, 24 bloody lips, 35 black eyes, and 1 erectile dysfunction, one that according to uncle Mazin, he did't have it before. Since that event and Mazin's family has been in a constant rivalry against Ali's family. Including an eventful night where Mazin sent out his son to sneak into Ali's house and watch as he and his wife have sex. However much like Ali's wife the kid was disappointed before the report of the initial cost damages went up to 2 erectile dysfunctions.

The rivalry has reached a tipping point and need a final judgement which was going to happen. The price of 50 squared meters land would be paid to whoever the judgement goes to. The initial call was leaning toward a more a peaceful decision that says while Hameed was mistaken for spotting the yellow and talking about it, when Mazin sent his son to spy on Hameed's parents having changed the point of view which kept shifting. But the head of the tribe was screwing around this time and had told me earlier that has a plan to finish this once and for all. So what he did is take judgement from the main counseling team, in which we unanimously agreed that it was in fact the kid's fault. And before Mazin's family could celebrate the head of the tribe stated that he'd be calling his lawyer son. His son stated Aunt Zahra's yellow underwear popping that was perhaps intentional is the cause of these events. Thus the final judgement stated that the one at fault Aunt Zahra's husband Mazin and that both families would pay 50 squared meters of land or what equals them in money to the head of the tribe. Thus I understood his plan to end this once and for all, it's a win for all, except of course everyone involved.

To Be Killed, or Be Killed

Two weeks prior to the tribe meeting an incident happened. Uncle Ali (A third one) was caught hanging out with the daughter of the head of the Ghanim tribe Khalid without Khalid's permission. Now the permission part is really the issue because Ali was actually engaged to the daughter and their wedding was happening three days after. Anyway as any rational man would decide in such situations, Khalid decided to kill uncle Ali, okay correction it's as any 2nd grade school drop out Iraqi would decide. However while Ali was running away he got a heart attack and dropped dead, which some people took as a sign of cowardliness, me personally I take it as a sign of being 67 years old who weighs 175 kilograms, but who am I to argue against the medical statements done by people who dropped out of 5th grade? Anyway after uncle Ali dropped dead, Khalid once again made the rational decision and demanded my tribal family for someone so he can kill him in a satisfying way.

Naturally, a word that has lost all meanings in Iraq, the head of our tribe asked who of us would volunteer to be the one to be killed. Naturally, and this time it actually fits, none of us wanted to do it. So he suggested we send out his son to fill in his father's place to be killed. During that discussion it was lunch time, uncle Ali's son Baqer got special meat filled tray of food, because I'm guessing they wanted him to be healthy and strong so he dies correctly. Another suggestion is that we pay a sort of ransom instead, the money would amount to each individual paying what equals 225$ which was the deciding factor for me to say and that we should just let him get killed instead. I love my cousin and all but do you have any idea how many curies I need to get 225$, I literally showed up to the meeting because my uncle offered to pay the cab ride, and I ain't starting a steemit fundraiser for that. It's not remotely a important as @llfarms' trip to steemfest. Plus by the time I pay that money @ned would switch to HF23 and we'd be getting payments in neither crypto or cash, but in eggs.

Anyway, my cousin attempted to run away instead but he was caught and the head of the tribe promised that he's make him pay. Which while the head of the tribe is a scary man, doesn't come out as a credible threat. I mean what is he gonna do that would be worse than death, double death? I felt bad for my cousin, I really did. Luckily the vote was changed and most people decided to pay the ransom. Now I owe the tribe 225 dollars, and since I had no problem keeping my cousin close to death to save up some money, we share the same bloodlines so these guys would definitely kill me for the amount. God I wish they'd have let him die.

So these are the highlights from the last meeting. See you in 4 months.

I nominate @dj123 and @berniesanders to participate in #comedyopenmic