THE BROKEN WOMAN

The Other Side
In the book 'What to do when Faith seems weak and victory is lost', Kenneth E. Hagin wrote and I quote ''if you don't judge yourself, God;sooner or later will have to judge you.This is my judgement

I won't lie, it was fun
I won't keep mute, it was great
It was everything except one and even moreover
I loved the romance between us
It wasn't like the story of the Romans
But the beginning of the tales of Romeo and Juliet

We spoke all day
He told me of things He was planning in years to come
I told him about things I was doing but had fears if they will yield as expected
We were one
He was the the bond that held my all together
His arms to wrap me
legs to seat on
shoulders to lean on
hands to wipe my tears
The center of attraction that made me attractive to all

But I needed more
I needed more
I needed a lot more
Yes we spoke everyday
but I felt it wasn't enough
I wanted more
I wanted him to talk to my friends too
I wanted him to go visit them with me and be part of the gist/gossips
I wanted to tell my friends about him as well as my friends seeing him too
His six packs, curly hair, soft fresh skin with hairs like that on the head of a new born baby and Hear his deep barytone

I needed more😡
I needed more😡
Yes, He was real 😁
I could feel him but He was invisible🙄
I needed to see him😔
Play with him💃🏽
Go on dates in the park and eateries with him🍸🍟🍿
Not just talk with him and hold his hands inside my room☹️
But have him drive me in his car🚘
To the movies and having people look😳😳😳
And be like whose that
And am like#loud voice
'"that's my man"
You know that pride that comes with priding in a good thing
It's called boasting, I agree...
I didn't want a secret relationship any more.

I needed more
I needed much more
Yes, He was the center and by extension everything
But I just needed him to be him
I mean, just get to know ourselves and grow together
You know
One step at a time
Baby steps I mean
Not just coming in to call the shot and be the boss Over night
Haba
At Least beg small
Let me form small
Let me shout on you small
Let us fight small
Let me be able to stay away from you without having to know you are looking at me
Or you see me or hear me
I didn't want him to be everywhere with me
I needed space

And I told him
Every single day
Not once
Not twice
3-10times
I sang it as a song,hymn,lullaby
Wrote it as a note,poem,script
I hummed it, I cried, I danced to it
But He said nothing
He said nothing
Like He said nothing
Ok oh.....

I tried
I waited for a reply
I waited for him to change but He didn't
And someone came by so I had to leave
He told me to wait but I was done packing to leave
He asked me to stay but I was on my way
He begged me to come back but I was gone😢😢
Shutting him out of my life

Finally
A great ride with friends
Dinner at a good restaurant
Lovely take away😜
Delicious rice and a packet of juice to go with
Didn't do no harm at all
Long midnight charts
Late night call
A few visits
Some sleep overs
With gists, smiles and a few feelings
Felt like EVER ENOUGH

And then
A hug of a life time that sang the song
Uuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss
...............................................
I was .........
I was losing me
I was departing
I was vanishing
I lost my senses
I lost my will
I lost control
I lost my voice
I lost my breath
I lost my heart
In the chest of another
.
.
.
But As thin as a sheet of sand
I cried out
Please can you save me
The only one who can right now
Please I need you
I don't want to lose this
I don't want to lose me
Please help....

1 sec.
2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 secs.
And He showed up
He gave me strength
He saved me
And With tears in my eyes and a weak smile
I said Thank you
But He was gone.....
I messed up big time
I spoilt everything
I................ And
I cant fix it up
My relationship with him has never been the same again
We cant flow anymore
Our Chemistry is lost

I felt I spoilt everything
But He should have said something when I told him how I felt
He should have stopped me from going
He should have shown me or told me about the other side
He should have talked me out of it
.
.
.
I miss him
Every single day I do
My center of attraction....
Since He left, I lost all
family, friends, all

My love
I am sorry
Please forgive me
I only wanted to taste
The other side
And I have tasted
My mouth is sour
And I will never remain the same again...