As I am

I broke my walls down
In turn they broke me
Tore my heart apart
Laid waste to my being
So I shut down
I shut out all who offered any kind of affection or love
I shut out all who were interested in who I am and how I live
I thought I was protecting myself, keeping my heart intact
But all I ended up doing is barricade myself in
Impenetrable armour that even I could not break out of
A room so cold and empty
So convinced and sure of my ways was I that I did not take heed to what the rest had to say
And slowly but surely, I lost my way
With my ears having lost their purpose and my eyelids blocking out all the good in the world
I moved on alone
I walked far and fast
But in the wrong direction
See, at this point... Everyone had given up on me.
No one gave their opinion, no one corrected me, no one cared.
This is not what I wanted though
I did not want to be left entirely alone
I just wanted a friend
One that's trustworthy, loyal and supportive
Numerous attempts at getting such having proved futile, I gave up
I shouldn't, I now realize that
But is it too late??
Have I become so numb to emotions, so dumb in relations that I cannot be a friend leave alone find one?
They tell me that all you have to do is let someone in
It's that simple... Just open up
Open up what exactly?
My mouth; to tell you my secrets, my fears and my aspirations?
My heart; to show you my scars and the scared little me in the corner?
My mind... to give my opinions about the different things I observe and how I'd prefer they were?
What part of that is simple?
Are you willing to listen?
Every time I close my eyes to pray, I ask for one important thing
Teach me, teach me Lord to surrender it all to you and to give in to your will.
And now I add one more thing
Teach me to open up.
The journey of a lone ranger is lonely and disheartening. I no longer wish to walk this path
Will you walk with me, despite my shortcomings
Will you push me on, even when I tell you to stop
Will you correct me, when I think I know it all?

Will you hold my hand, and never let go??
Will you show me that I can trust you?
Will you be a friend? My friend...