if ya know what I mean

alexakey (25)in #lifes • 5 years ago

Hey, Baby. Are you tired of sharing your adjunct with 500 other students spread across four different universities? Do you want an adjunct who has the time to actually read your writing? Who will even give you individual feedback for a small additional tip on top of your monthly subscription fee? You won’t be just be a square on the standardized rubric to me, Sweet Thing.

I’ll grade your essays with my sexy red pen in ways that are responsive and student-centered, if ya know what I mean. What I mean is that if you write a comma splice, I will explain what a comma splice is instead of pasting in a templated comment and a link to the Purdue OWL. I’ll write example comma splices for you, Cowboy, and then I’ll write examples in which I fix those splices. I’ll fix those splices good. You can watch if you want.

And that’s not all I’m going to do for you, Hot Stuff. You know what else I’m going to do? I’m going to write you a letter of recommendation for graduate school. Because now that I’m a content creator on OnlyAdjuncts, I dictate my own schedule and compensation — I schedule kinky shit like writing letters of recommendation into my regular day.

And you know what I do in the dark of night? I sleep. I sleep in my own bed in my own room in my own apartment. Before I started posting content on OnlyAdjuncts, I shared a shitty office with 58 other adjuncts. We all lived together in a shitty apartment, and we shared one shitty car, and that car had 63 more adjuncts living in it. None of us ever slept a wink.

And you know what I dream about when I sleep, other than your thesis idea that I now have time to reflect upon and help you refine? I dream of all my adjunct brothers and sisters still living out there on the streets — the streets between all the institutions they teach in to make ends meet. I dream of them crammed into that shitty old Subaru driving back and forth their whole careers, and I dream of the day that they, too, will get out of the Lifestyle for good and start creating their own content on OnlyAdjuncts.

If you’re left feeling cold when your strung-out, over-caffeinated, traditionally-employed adjunct writes “AWK” in the margin and moves on, I’m your girl. I know there’s beauty in that awkwardness, Baby, and I can see it. I can see you. Let’s get your awkward little freak on right now and talk about how to fix your faulty parallelism — I bet you didn’t even know that’s usually how to fix AWK. I’ll tease that dangling modifier off its cliff and anchor it to an active subject so fast it’ll make your head spin. Let’s write some intentional fragments.

Quit wasting your time on adjuncts who were churned into the market by institutions who from day one just planned to eventually pimp them out. They’re too jaded and broken by the system to offer you the original and creative content you desire. Come connect with me on OnlyAdjuncts, where I take it ALL off: I take off the bundled textbook requirement, I take off the filters in my e-mail, I’ll even take off the LMS. That’s right, Baby. I can teach without the LMS. I will strip it down to nothing but my own credentials, expertise, and publication record.

I’ll even do group stuff if you want.

5 years ago in #lifes by alexakey (25)

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if ya know what I mean

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