White Lies. Are They Really so Good?

People tend to believe that lying is something bad to do in general, but at the same time white lies, or “unimportant lies, especially told to be tactful or polite” (source) are usually considered to be good and beneficial.

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Thus, when you feel that the other person is not “able” to face the truth you just soften it for him or her and tell something else instead.

I won’t talk here about the case in general or some so special situations as a doctor saying a white lie to a dying patient, but here I would rather focus on a relevance of white lies in a romantic relationship, in a marriage. Is it OK to lie about something rather than to tell all the truth when it comes to your relationship with your life partner?

Let’s consider some pros and cons of lies:

• One usually get more from other people using lies, as you can say the “right” things in each particular situation

• One may spare somebody’s feelings by telling a white lie

• One can avoid awkward situations and even avoid “punishment” e.g. by telling a lie at one's work :)

• By telling the truth one may initiate some conflicts with other people, because the truth not always is compelling and pleasant

• Although, when somebody finds out you lied, it may be the reason to end the relationship

• Also, by telling the truth one don’t have to remember what and where you said as one always knows the truth

Anything else? :)

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I’m quite sure women tell white lies just as often as men, but it happened so that during last several years I meet a lot of men who are telling “white lies” to their wives. And in all those cases the husband was told by his spouse that she would prefer truth over anything else. Still, men somehow decide that they know better what is needed for their love partner and act accordingly. Oh, sorry, no. Act just the same as they did, even if they know it’s something that would upset their spouse. Just don’t tell her, as they love their spouses and don’t want for them to worry for nothing. And they do that so brilliantly that actually they almost don’t lie - they either don’t tell something at all or don’t mention some details. Which technically is not a lie, but still misleads the other party.

To my mind white lies is something that is unacceptable at least in the relationship with your spouse, or partner. There may be situations when it’s OK to do so with your family and friends, or other people - still questionable, but this is something I can understand at least to some extent, but not in a relationship between souses. Still, what I’ve noticed, a lot of people think it’s the right thing to do.

As I really want to understand why that happens I would like to hear from you in the comments. Do you tell white lies? Why? Would you like to be told white lies?

Please, do share! :)

I just love psychology, so be sure to follow @aleksandraz and read my other articles on this topic.

Thanks! :)

P.S. Currently all my posts are 100% Power Up.

Yours,