I AM THAT, I AM
Nisargadatta Maharaj came into my life like lightning, illuminating some of the darkest corners of my consciousness, and came out like a large caliber bullet leaving visible marks, and having a profound impact on how I began to see life, to interact with people, to meditate and relate to the divinity.
Maharaj, as he often said, came from a poor family of Indians, his studies being primary, and his impact in the world until the age of almost 40 had been more than mediocre but, his understanding of human nature, of the universe and of our ultimate nature, beyond the body and mind to which we give our full identity, were worthy of a saint, a sage, a guru, even though he refused to be addressed as a guru.
I was a person interested in religion, spirituality and divinity since adolescence, when certain questions still stirred me, wandering through my mind unanswered. During high school and even college I read a lot of books on spiritual topics, because I was interested in this concept called God, my relationship to it, where I came from before I was born and where I go after death, and not lastly, my purpose on earth. Since then, I have refused to believe that I was born to attend school, to work until old age, to have children, and to die after several decades spent on this planet.
Although I have had several attempts to read the Bible, I have never read it from cover to cover, and I will probably never do so. But I was very attracted to Hindu writings, meditation and yoga. I read The Uphanishads, Bhagavat Gita, Yoga Sutras and the book of BKS Yiengar trying to learn yoga, and practice it. But all this, melted away when I got my hands on "I'm am that". The book that made Nisargadatta Maharaj famous and that put many cultists and scientists on the road, crowding into Nisargadatta Maharaj's small apartment in the suburbs of Mumbai, to sip every drop of his wisdom.
The book was lent to me by a friend, and then I bought my own copy, and although it is a "spirituality manual of over 500 pages," I finished reading it in a few days, and then I read it again. I did it twice more, and I bought all his books I found on the market at that time. I felt that those books were written for me, and I couldn't even find a phrase or an idea that I would have contradicted with. They were simply illuminating.
His wisdom is so profound that it is difficult for me to describe it. On the one hand I could say that with the help of these books I understood what God is, or isn't, and what I really am, and on the other hand, I consider that any concept I had about the divinity was shattered. The core around which all the discussions Maharaj had with his guests revolved around "the non-dual reality of all that is" and this is probably why Maharaj titled this book "I am that", which is actually the translation of his daily conversations, recorded on tape.
I realize now that I started writing this article about Nisargadatta Maharaj all hyped up and that I thought I could share with you a glimpse of what he was / is and somehow share a piece of his teaching, in a few hundred words but, I simply can 't do that. I feel that if I did that, I would tarnish what Maharaj was, so I will continue to give you some quotes from his books, leaving you to digest the information yourself and see what I am writing about.
-“ Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. And between the two my life flows. ”
“-There is nothing to practice. To know yourself, be yourself. To be yourself, stop imagining yourself to be this or that. Just be. Let your true nature emerge. Don’t disturb your mind with seeking. ” "
"-The consciousness in you and the consciousness in me, apparently two, really one, seek unity and that is love."
“ -Pleasure puts you to sleep and pain wakes you up. If you don’t want to suffer, don’t go to sleep. ”
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All I could add to these quotes from Maharaj would be the experience I had living long after reading his books. First of all, I no longer saw myself as a separate entity, both among humans and among nature, and I had become very attentive to what I was doing, or what I was saying, because I felt that whatever I was doing or saying was like it was addressed to me, my ultimate reality, I can not say that I had lost my sense of individuality, or mind but, I felt what many call individuality in unity.
My meditations had no purpose any longer, and I was no longer trying to calm my mind, or become calmer, because I realized that using my mind to train my mind was like fighting windmills. I found myself meditating, even for a few hours in a row, sometimes losing touch with reality and even somehow disconnecting from my human nature, if I could formulate that feeling in this way. I had come to live quite often that "I am", beyond the mind and body, name and form, of which Maharaj spoke, and although sometimes I felt special by living this, I still felt that this would be normal after all.
The attachment we have to our body, name, fame, prestige, social status, and sometimes purpose in life, makes us live sometimes blindly, forgetting our ultimate nature, which is simply indescribable but real, probably the only reality there is, and ever existed. I was talking in the introduction about unanswered questions that I had as a teenager, and which received a certain answer. One of them was: where do we come from when we are born, and where do we go after we die? I did not find the exact destinations, and I do not think there is one, but certainly not in the forms of hell or heaven.
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This could be the essence of the wisdom shared with his visitors, by Maharaj, namely the non-duality of his living and thinking. He never looked for reasons, he did not talk about God, heaven or hell, and he did not try to make people become what they could not be, or to "help" them in creating new personalities, or consolidating existing ones. His advice was always the same: focus your attention on “I AM” and dwell in it, you don’t need any other practice or mantras. Find out what you are not, and then you shall see yourself as your true self, your ultimate reality, which is beyond the body and mind, names, religion, and any type of concept and social status that you might own.
Live in the world but, don't get absorbed by the world, because you don't belong to the world. That was also one of my favorite quotes of his. I have not once felt that Maharaj tried to guide someone to withdraw from the world, to become a monk, or a spiritual fanatic. On the contrary, it guides everyone to continue their life, and to follow their professions, and take care of their families but, not to take their temporary identity as eternal. I never considered this personality, called Nisargadatta Maharaj, as my guru, because I do not believe in this concept but, I consider that his words had a profound impact on me.
If you are a little attracted to spirituality, meditation, philosophy, or are simply avid readers, I recommend Nisargadatta Maharaj's book "I am that." Mind blowing, TNT and dynamite mixed all together, for almost any mental concept one could have about life, the purpose of it, our origins, identities and so on. Definitely give it a try if you feel like 500 pages of advaita vedanta won't put you down.
Thanks for attention,
Adrian